Four Men & a Little Lady
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: Kurt, Sebastian, Alex and Brody have an epic party weekend planned, but something - or rather, a tiny someone - interrupts their plans, and chaos ensues. A light-hearted Glad You Came AU. Does not incorporate events of Glad You Stayed and can be read separately.
1. Surprise!

A collaboration with **Daftydraw** set in the Glad You Came universe.

* * *

 **Saturday 2 pm**

As Kurt and Sebastian made their way up to Alex and Steph's apartment, Kurt paused on the stairway.

"You know what?" he said, smiling at Sebastian. "Alex was the first person to invite me to a boys' night out. Ever."

He still felt a little flutter in his stomach as he thought about that moment. Since that night, he, Alex, Sebastian and Brody had gone on several 'bro dates' together. Kurt had never realised how good it felt to be included. For this particular weekend, Alex had asked them all over for a lazy afternoon of gaming and fast food, and then they were finally going to catch up on the pub crawl they had pretended to organise for Sebastian's 21st birthday. They were all invited to spend the night, since the girls were going away on a spa weekend together.

Sebastian's lips curled up into a little smile as he looked at Kurt. "I didn't know that, no."

He decided to ignore the flash of anger he felt at the reminder that Kurt's old friends had never treated him as an equal. Kurt had real friends now, and they loved him.

Even if he did manage to always beat them at Mario Kart.

Kurt looked at his watch. "I hope Alex waited with the food order, I'd really like to get a say in what's on the pizza this-" His words stuck in his throat as the door opened.

Alex was standing in the doorway, shirtless, with some kind of green goo in his hair - and a baby on his arm. It was crying angrily. He gave them a desperate look.

"Is that Bonnie?" Sebastian asked, looking at the baby.

"Is that...your red hoodie?" Kurt asked, looking at what the baby was swaddled in.

"I ran out of diapers," Alex muttered.

Kurt looked around him and saw Brody sitting on the couch looking equally desperate. "What is going on?" he asked.

"Do you want the short version or the gory details?" Brody asked.

 **[two hours earlier]**

"I'm so sorry to spring this on you, Alex," Caroline said, bouncing Bonnie on her arm. "It's just that we arranged everything for Steph's surprise birthday party months ago and if we cancel now we'll never get a spot at that spa again. It's very exclusive."

" _Super_ exclusive. And no refunds," Alice said, looking a little desperate.

Alex gave them his most encouraging smile. "Well, I'm sure I can manage until Ben gets home."

Caroline frowned. "That's the thing, didn't Steph tell you? Ben is stuck in Los Angeles. His flight got cancelled. He won't be back until tomorrow evening."

Alex swallowed. "I, uh...I got the boys coming over…" he started.

"Great!" Caroline said brightly. "Then they can all help you!"

Alex looked over his shoulder at Brody, who was setting up the game console. He gave him a reassuring nod.

"It'll be fine," Brody said, smiling. "Girls love me."

Alice smiled. "That's true," she agreed.

"Okay, well, call me if you need anything, right?" Caroline said, handing Bonnie over to Alex. "I mean it. _Call me_."

"We'll be okay, Caroline. How hard can it be? You're a good girl, aren't you, Bonnie?" He looked at the baby in his arms. She gurgled up at him happily. Alex smiled back. "Little Bonnster!" He petted her head a little awkwardly, and Bonnie tried to grab his hand.

"Just remember she needs to be fed at four and then again at eight, and it'd be _great_ if you could give her a bath, but it's ok if you don't want to. And, oh, before sleep, she always likes to have Mommy Duck sing '5 little ducks'. Mommy Duck is a glove puppet, I put it in the bag."

Caroline gave them an apologetic look. "I am so sorry I am ruining your boys' night…"

"Five little ducks is my _favourite_ song," Brody promised her.

Sebastian stared at his friend as he finished telling the story. "Did you _call_ Caroline?" he asked, side-stepping Alex carefully and walking into the apartment. Kurt followed behind him.

"We can't!" Brody said desperately. "It's only been two hours! If we call now they'll all know we failed!"

"You-you got through a whole bag of diapers in _two_ hours?" Sebastian asked with wide eyes.

"Um...not exactly," Brody said, holding up the bag. It was dripping with milk. "The bottle exploded...all over the diaper bag. I don't even know why, I filled it up and then shook it, like the box said, and BOOM!" He set the bag down and mimed a milk-tsunami in the air.

The diapers had done their job and soaked up all the fluid, rendering them completely useless for their actual purpose.

Kurt shook his head. How could two grown men be so incompetent?

Alex saw him look and narrowed his eyes. "Ease up with the judgement, Kurt," he warned him. "This baby is _evil_."

"Exorcist-level, dude," Brody agreed.

Kurt snorted. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Oh, it is,"Alex said darkly. Almost as if to empathise his point, Bonnie upped her screeching another notch.

Sebastian looked around the apartment, taking in the destruction. Caroline's bag lay on the couch, its contents strewn everywhere, and a jar of green mush with a spoon still in it had rolled under the coffee table.

"Still, you can't wrap the baby in a hoodie!" he said shaking his head.

"I didn't know what else to do!"

"Don't you have any napkins, or small towels?"

"I tried! It didn't work!"

Sebastian sighed and pulled out his phone.

"DON'T CALL!" Alex and Brody yelled as one.

"I'm not!" Sebastian said exasperated. "I'm going to YouTube how to make-shift a diaper so that we can take the child out and buy new stuff without someone calling social services!"

"I'm _not_ going out there with shit in my hair!" Alex protested, pointing at the window.

"Broccoli," Brody corrected.

"Nor with broccoli!" Alex yelled.

Bonnie started crying even louder at his raised voice.

Alex winced. "Shhh! Come on now, Bonnie, I didn't mean it like that," he said softly, hoping to soothe her. "Uncle Sebby is gonna make you a diaper and then he and uncle Brody and uncle Kur-"

"Cutify my name and I _walk_ , I dare you," Kurt threatened, narrowing his eyes. He felt for Alex's situation, but if there was anything he hated, it was people calling him _Kurtie_.

"Uncle _Kurt_ will get you some nice food and some new diapers, ok?" Alex continued.

"Will we?" Brody asked. "And what are _you_ going to do?"

"What do you think? Shower. This stuff stinks. No wonder Bonnie didn't want to eat it."

Kurt looked at Brody and shrugged. "I guess pizza and Mario Kart has to wait."

Just then, Kurt's phone rang. The sound startled Bonnie so much she stopped crying. Kurt took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. "It's my boss," he said, frowning a little. Isabelle knew he wouldn't be in this weekend.

"Hey, what's- Okay. _Okay_ , calm down so I can-" Kurt closed his eyes and listened to his boss ramble on about Absolute Disasters in Neon Socks and Photographer Egos and the Diamonds are Forever theme bust. He took a few calming breaths as she slowly came to the point. "Okay," he said, "I can do that. Sure. No, it'll be perfectly safe, there's four of us here...well, four and a half, and we're probably going to stay in. I'll come and pick it up and deliver it tomorrow."

He lowered the phone. "Isabelle wants me to pick up a piece of jewelry we got on loan for a photoshoot. We weren't supposed to return it until Monday, but the whole theme fell through and now she's afraid it might get stolen if it stays at the office. She says the store owner can come in tomorrow afternoon to sign for it, so I need to go pick it up and keep it here overnight."

"Why can't she take it home with her?" Brody asked.

Kurt sighed. "Her apartment has been broken into twice in the past three months. Anywhere's probably safer than her place. And, no offence Alex, but I doubt anyone would suspect to find much of value in here…"

Alex shrugged. "None taken, this place is a bit of a dump. We're saving up, though."

A suspiciously satisfied gurgle came from Bonnie and Alex narrowed his eyes. "Though this month's paycheck will probably go into a new red hoodie…"

Brody shook his head and looked at Bonnie as if she were a bomb.

"Okay, this doesn't look too complicated," Sebastian said, looking down at his phone. "I need a towel...a square one if possible, but a hand towel will do if not."

Alex went into the bathroom and reappeared a moment later with a square towel, thankful in that moment that Steph was obsessed with towels - it was normally a cause for argument. He never knew which one to use for what. In his opinion, all towels should just be _everything_ -towels.

Sebastian nodded. "Is there a changing mat?"

"I think so, hold on," Brody said, rummaging through the pile of stuff from Caroline's bag. He found one and handed it to Sebastian.

"Okay, let's do this, kid," Sebastian said, taking Bonnie from Alex. He let out a sigh of relief. Bonnie was staring at Sebastian, momentarily distracted from crying. She reached out with a tiny hand and grabbed his glasses. She opened her mouth wide and tried to push them in.

Sebastian took the glasses from her with his right hand. "Nuh uh, Bonnie," he said. "Uncle Bas can't see without them." Bonnie looked at him with wide eyes and her bottom lip wobbled.

"Oh no…"

Bonnie started wailing again. "Okay babyboo," he said, bouncing her a little as he walked towards the couch. "It's okay...we're emancipated guys, we can do this. Don't you worry…"

Kurt cleared some space on the couch for Sebastian to put the mat down.

Sebastian carefully unwrapped the hoodie.

"WOAH!"

"OH GOD!"

"That's just…"

Bonnie chuckled.

"Um, Alex? I'm afraid we'll need a few more towels...a garbage bag...and possibly a hazmat suit," Sebastian mumbled, picking up the corners of the changing mat and folding them in over Bonnie's legs and the soiled hoodie with a look of disgust.

Kurt shook his head. "She needs to be bathed. Alex can multitask, he was going to shower anyway!"

Alex stared at him. "No way! I'm not taking that poop-burrito with me in the shower!" he protested. "What if I drop her? Besides, I'll be _naked_ in there-"

"That's true. She'll be traumatised," Brody agreed. "Maybe we can bathe her in the sink?"

"In my _kitchen_?" Alex asked, looking nauseous. "Where I make my _food_?"

"Then what else would you suggest, Alex?" Sebastian said. "We can't bathe her in the toilet bowl!"

Alex thought fast. "Toilet bowl... _Bowl_ …! I got it!" He hurried off to his closet and came back with a large photo-printed metal bucket.

"Oh man, are you sure about that?" Brody asked, cocking his head in compassion.

Alex nodded grimly.

"What's that?" Kurt asked, looking at the New York skyline image.

"This," Alex said with a sigh, "is a limited edition 2014 Super Bowl New York New Jersey beer bucket. I keep my socks in it." He handed it to Kurt. "It'll never be the same again."

Brody patted his shoulder consolingly.

Kurt carried the bucket to the sink and started the tap.

"Here, this looks good," Brody said, walking up with a small bottle of baby bubble bath. Kurt nodded and poured some soap in, checking the temperature of the water with his hand. It was pink and smelled strongly of strawberries.

Sebastian let out a short huff of breath. "Okay. Let's put the bucket on a towel on the floor. Then I'll lift her out of her things, Brody wipes her off, Alex bags the hoodie and the mat, and I'll bathe her?"

Brody and Alex exchanged looks. "What about Kurt?"

Sebastian looked back at his boyfriend, who was shaking his head subtly, looking a little desperate. "Kurt's in charge of outfits," he decided.

Kurt let out a relieved breath and put two thumbs up. Years of being an 'honorary girl' in Glee club had _not_ given him any parental feelings. For Blaine, their talk of adopting a child had been mostly about the political statement, and Kurt doubted either of them would have been able to go through with it.

Kurt took the bucket and carefully set it down as Sebastian instructed, kissing him swiftly on the cheek, then stepped away to go and look at things they could change Bonnie in to after bathing.

Brody grabbed two hand towels, wet them, and held them up like a surgeon about to operate. Alex held up a garbage bag. They looked grim but determined.

"Okay, everyone ready?" Sebastian asked. The boys nodded. "Three...two...one... "

He lifted Bonnie up out of the soiled changing mat and held her at arm's length over the bucket. Brody started wiping her down, gagging a little as he tried to breathe through his mouth. Bonnie started crying again, not liking the position or the wet towels at all.

Alex groaned. "RIP, favourite hoodie," he said, pushing it deep into the bag together with the mat.

"Okay, I got most of it," Brody mumbled, dropping the towels into the bag as well.

Sebastian carefully lowered Bonnie into the soapy water. She stopped crying and wriggled her toes.

"Yes, that's nice, isn't it, Bonnie? Nice and warm...and now you smell like strawberries! Yes, you do. I could eat you up, but I won't, because I'm allergic to strawberries. Lucky you. Hey, you can sit up,"Sebastian said in surprise. "Look at that. Good job, Bonnie."

Bonnie splashed the water with her little hands and laughed happily, making soft babbling sounds at Sebastian.

Kurt heard his boyfriend praise her and looked up from sorting out the pile of clothes on the couch. He smiled. Who knew he was dating the _baby whisperer_?

"Okay, I see you guys totally got this. I'm gonna shower," Alex said in relief. He gingerly picked up the garbage bag and carried it out to the fire escape. He'd deal with that later.

For a moment, Brody, Kurt and Sebastian just looked at Bonnie, splashing around in the water.

"Maybe that was all she needed," Brody suggested. "We thought she was hungry, but her mom _did_ say it would be good if we could bathe her…" He peered into Bonnie's eyes. "Are you okay now? No more terrorising the nice uncles?"

"Ba!" Bonnie agreed, and hit the water with such force it splashed into Brody's face.

"So much for that," Brody muttered, but Kurt could tell he was smiling.

They let Bonnie, who was now perfectly happy, play for a little bit in the water, and then Sebastian lifted her out and wrapped her in a large fluffy towel.

"Okay, Bonnie, let's try that diaper thing again," he said, carrying her to the couch, where Kurt had laid out a fresh changing mat and a few different outfits. It hadn't been easy, as a lot of them had been tsunamied by the milk or the broccoli - or both.

"So even if this works," Kurt said sceptically, looking down as Sebastian put Bonnie down on the mat, "A towel isn't exactly...waterproof. What if she pees?"

"Well, we can't stick her in a ziplock bag," Brody commented.

Sebastian thought as he folded the towel in half so it was a triangle and then started wrapping it around Bonnie. YouTube had said to use waterproof panties but they weren't likely to have any of those.

"Is the Bonnster okay in here?"Alex asked, walking back in with dripping hair and a towel around his waist.

"We got it, man. Get dressed, there's a lady in the house," Brody joked.

"Actually," Sebastian said, turning to Alex. "Do you have a plastic bag? And some scissors? Duct tape?"

Alex looked at him with a frown for a moment and then grinned. "Gotcha, McGyver!" he said, retrieving a bag from under the kitchen sink and scissors from the drawer. "Here, hold this-" He handed them to Sebastian. "I'll be right back with the tape."

Sebastian cut holes in the bottom of the bag and carefully drew it over the towel diaper, letting Bonnie's little legs slot through the holes.

Alex returned with the tape and ripped off two pieces with his teeth. Sebastian used them to seal the bag closer around Bonnie's waist. She started cycling her little legs immediately as if to free herself, but the construction held for now.

"Alright, I'm next," Kurt said, holding out his arms to take Bonnie. He had found a romper with no stains on it, and managed to wrestle Bonnie into it, though they had to leave the legs unbuttoned because it wouldn't fit over the towel-diaper.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered at Bonnie, who was peering up at him vengefully. "I agree it's not the most flattering look, but you have to work with what you got right? We'll combine it with a good hat. And this kimono wrap-around jacket maybe? Lilac is _very_ in this season."

Bonnie raspberried at him.

Sebastian chuckled. "Trust uncle Kurt, Bonnie. He works at Vogue, you know."

Kurt pressed his lips together in a smile. "I do! Do you want to go shopping with me, Bonnie? I bet there aren't too many six months old with a personal stylist…but how will we take you?"

"There was a baby carrier in the bag," Brody said. He looked around and pulled something from under the couch that looked like half a backpack. "So...who?" he started hesitantly, looking at Bonnie.

Kurt blinked. "Well, I'm definitely not gonna wear a strap-on-baby," he stated. "This shirt is dry clean only." He saw Brody's expression and added: "And besides, I have to get to Vogue and pick up the jewelry. I can meet up with you at the store."

" _That_ 's very convenient," Brody said a little sharp.

Sebastian sighed and reached for the carrier, rolling his eyes. "I'll do it," he said resignedly. "Someone go through the stuff from the bag and make a list of what we need."

He started fiddling with the carrier, trying to work out how to strap it to his chest.

"Here," Brody said, moving to help him while Kurt made the list. Between the two of them they figured it out and soon Bonnie was nestled in the pouch.

Now that the world around her had calmed again and Bonnie found herself in a familiar cradled position, she stopped fussing and rested her head against Sebastian's chest.

Kurt watched them for a moment. Now that she was quiet, Bonnie was kind of adorable.

"Okay, let's go," Brody said, nudging Kurt. "You can daydream about your future later."

"Oh, I- I..." Kurt stammered, feeling a little caught. He looked at Sebastian and smiled bashfully.

Sebastian smiled and winked at him. He checked his back pocket for his wallet, slipped his phone in the other pocket and offered Kurt his hand.

They headed out of the apartment and down the road to the store. Alex had promised to clean up the living room while they were out. The motion of their walking lulled Bonnie to sleep and she curled her little fist into Sebastian's shirt.

"She's quite cute when she's not screaming or projectile vomiting," Brody said, looking at her.

"She is," Kurt agreed, taking yet another picture of Sebastian and Bonnie. He didn't know why Brody and Alex had acted like she was the baby from hell. How hard could it be to babysit her for a day?


	2. The Princess & The Pirate

**Author's Note:** This should have been updated months ago; I logged on to add chapter 3 and only just now noticed chapter 2 got stuck in drafts! Ack! This is our low-key in-between project, but it will not be a WIP forever!

* * *

The three of them headed down the street to the grocery store near Steph and Alex's apartment. Kurt left them at the subway station and Brody and Sebastian continued on to the store.

"Divide and conquer?" Sebastian suggested as they reached the carts. "I'll do diapers if you do food?"

"Sure," Brody said smirking at him. "Sure...how hard can it be?"

The answer, was __very__ hard - there were __so__ many brands to choose from, all boasting different qualities and by the time Kurt joined them, Brody was still standing in front of the huge display of tiny glass jars, cans and boxes.

"Did you get it?" Brody asked.

Kurt patted the breast pocket of his jacket.

"Do you think we need organic or __super foods__?" Brody asked, sounding confused. "There are like ten billion brands here. I mean, __Happy Baby__ sounds good, right? __Parents' Choice__ , I'm not a parent, I don't know if that's __my__ choice! What about __Gerber__?"

"Oh god, not Gerber!" Kurt let out, thinking of the time he had met the Gerber baby singing and dancing her way through 'Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)'.

"I have no idea what Bonnie likes," Brody said. "I wish Alice would answer her phone. Although she'd probably just tell me to get like, organic kale or something, and that kind of feels like child abuse to me."

"Well she clearly didn't like broccoli," Kurt mused, thinking about the large green stain on the couch that probably wouldn't come out. "What else is there?"

Brody pointed at a few jars. "Purple carrots-avocado-quinoa…what the...guavas and beets...at least that's pink?"

Kurt shook his head. "I know she's a girl but I doubt she's already at Elle Woods level. Just...I don't know. Maybe we just get a few different ones and we'll try them all?"

Brody agreed and they started loading up their cart.

* * *

Sebastian walked down the diaper aisle looking at the various brands and labels, feeling overwhelmed. There were so many varieties and sizes that he didn't even know where to start. He felt very annoyed with himself that he hadn't thought to check the ruined pack they had at Alex's place.

"I'd go with these," a soft voice said next to him. He looked around and saw a pretty woman smiling at him and holding up a pack of diapers. "She's about six months old, right?"

"Err, yes," Sebastian said. "But I don't think she's that heavy yet."

"Maybe not, but the weight categories overlap, see? And if you take these she can grow into them. And they __do__ grow so fast..."

"Uh...yeah. Thanks," Sebastian said, taking the pack from the woman and adding it to his cart. "This is all kind of new territory for me."

"You're welcome," she beamed and moved closer, lifting her hand to stroke Bonnie's foot. "She's adorable. What's her name?"

"Bonnie," Sebastian said, cradling her protectively against his chest.

"That's pretty. A pretty name for a pretty baby."

"Er yes," Sebastian said, a little uncomfortably.

"Your girlfriend must be very pretty too," the woman sound, pretending to be casual.

"Oh, um...no girlfriend," Sebastian replied awkwardly.

Bonnie made a noise in her sleep and he brushed her soft hair with his hand, glad for the distraction.

The woman followed his every move. "Your wife, then?" she fished. "Ex...wife?"

"No, there's no one like that in my life. I'm-"

"It must be hard," the woman interrupted him, and put a hand on Sebastian's arm. "For Bonnie, I mean. Children need a mother in their life. Or that's how I feel, anyway. I __love__ children." She gave him a hopeful look.

"Who doesn't?" Kurt asked sharply, walking up and deliberately placing himself between them to kiss Sebastian on the cheek. He put a protective hand on Bonnie's back.

"I think we've got everything, babe," Kurt said, sounding as artificially casual as the woman had been and using Sebastian's favourite endearment to borrow a little of his attitude.

The woman stared at them with wide eyes. "But..." she started, glancing at Bonnie and then back at them.

"Make way, loverboys, Bonnie's catering's coming through," Brody announced, coming up with the cart.

The woman looked at the baby food, stacked neatly next to a pile of snacks, two six packs of beer and a bottle of French wine. Forcing a smile, she nodded curtly at Sebastian, then turned around and stalked away.

"Who was that?" Brody asked.

Sebastian chuckled at her retreating back. "Someone who wanted to be my 'baby momma'." He turned to Kurt and kissed him. "Thanks for rescuing me."

Kurt grinned. "Well, Bonnie already has a mom, and you belong to __me__." He looked over his shoulder at Brody. "I think when you showed up, she assumed we had some polyamorous thing going on."

Brody grinned. "I'm flattered, but I don't think Alice will share."

"Oh, she would with Bas," Kurt said knowingly, tightening his hold on him. "But I won't."

Sebastian kissed the top of his head, "I love it when you get possessive," he said against Kurt's hair. He glanced over the contents of their shopping carts.

"We should get a pacifier...I don't remember seeing any in her bag and if she starts crying again..." he mused.

"Good point. Portable baby mute buttons," Brody agreed. "We tried to find one earlier but with Bonnie throwing food everywhere and sabotaging everything..."

"Was it really that bad?" Kurt asked sceptically.

"YES!" Brody said. "I don't know how Ben and Caroline stand it."

Sebastian looked down at the still sleeping baby and shook his head. "She's a sweetheart," he said fondly. "I think you guys are overreacting."

"Pft, just you wait dude. Just. You. Wait."

* * *

As they got through the check-out, Brody looked around for a restroom. "I guess we'd better get a real diaper on her asap," he suggested, holding up the shopping bags. "That towel and duct tape construction is not gonna keep her dry for long...or you, Seb."

They found the signs quickly, but then halted in front of the double doors. To the right: the men's room. To the left: ladies & changing station.

Brody glanced at Kurt and Sebastian. "So..." he started, trailing off.

"Yeah..." Sebastian agreed, chewing his lip and looking at the signs, then down at Bonnie.

Kurt frowned a little in thought. Then, he made up his mind. Bonnie had been so easy since her bath, maybe he had initially overreacted.

"Okay, I'll do it," he said. "It's not like I've never been in the ladies' room before." He stepped up to Sebastian, who started carefully unbuckling Bonnie from the carrier. Luckily the makeshift diaper still felt dry.

"Okay, Bonnie, here we go," Kurt mumbled, heaving her onto his arm.

Brody had transferred the diapers and wipes to a single shopping bag and handed it to Kurt. "Good luck," he said, looking a little relieved that he didn't have to do it.

Kurt pushed open the door of the ladies' room and peered inside. "I'm just coming to change a baby!" he called in just in case, and then went in.

Sebastian and Brody waited outside. After a few moments, Brody quietly asked: "What do you think Kurt meant when he said he'd been in the ladies' room before?"

Sebastian shrugged a little. "Well, he had mostly female friends in high school so he might have joined them now and then..." he started, and fiddled with the empty baby carrier for a bit, stalling. "But he also told me the jocks once locked him inside with a box of tampons and refused to let him out until he had braided himself a noose out of the strings."

"Jesus," Brody cursed, looking at Sebastian in shock.

Sebastian let out a sigh. "Yeah."

"Man, I've been called quite a few names for liking musical theatre in my school days, but never something like that," Brody admitted.

Sebastian shook his head. "It's horrific. It got physical too. They literally broke his bones, man. They threatened his __life__."

Brody stared at the door, needing a moment.

"He doesn't talk about it much," Sebastian said. "But every now and then, he'll suddenly drop something like that when I least expect it, during dinner, or when we're brushing teeth or something. And I'm just- How did he stand it? You know?"

Brody nodded thoughtfully.

* * *

Completely unaware of the heavy talk outside, Kurt had settled Bonnie down on the changing table, using one of the complimentary single use changing mats. He strapped her into the little safety belt and hung the bag and his jacket on a hook. "Alright, we can do this," he told her, and rolled up his sleeves.

Bonnie peered up at him sceptically. As Kurt began to peel at the makeshift diaper, she started squirming.

"Shhh, it's okay," Kurt shushed her. "I just want to give you a fresh one, just like mommy and daddy do, okay?"

The cold air hit Bonnie's bare legs and she started scrambling, mewling loudly and waving her little arms.

"Oh come on, Bonnie...I just need to get-" Kurt mumbled, rummaging in the bag to get the wipes. Didn't he have anything to entertain her while he did this? He mentally went through his pockets. He'd left his keys in his bag at Alex's, and he wasn't about to hand her his phone.

"Okay, Bonnie. Look at this," he said, taking out the small jewellery box and showing her the sparkly earrings inside. That got her attention. She made grabby hands at it. Kurt closed the box and, after checking it was securely closed, handed it to her.

" _ _A kiss on the hand may be quite continental__ ," he sang in a high, melodious voice, " _ _but diamonds are a girl's best friend!__ "

Bonnie beamed at him and rattled the box. Kurt quickly pulled out a hand full of wet wipes and started cleaning her. " _ _kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your - meow! - pussycat!__ "

Bonnie squeaked in joy and Kurt purred at her a few more times, tickling her tummy.

" _ _Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end...but square-cut or pear-shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape. Diamonds are a girl's best friend!__ "

Kurt continued singing and humming as he took out a diaper and tried to figure out how it worked. After a bit of an awkward jostle, he managed to lift Bonnie and place the diaper under her at the same time, and the first thing she did was pee all over it, sighing happily.

"Okay...it's a good thing we got a whole bag of those, huh?" Kurt said, resigned, and took out fresh wipes.

Finally, it was done. Kurt quickly washed his hands in the basin next to the changing table, and then pried the jewellery box out of Bonnie's hands, putting it safely back into his jacket. He unbuckled her, took up their things, and carried her back outside.

"Everything okay in there?" Sebastian asked, holding out his hands to take over the baby.

"Sure, we were fine," Kurt said, smiling. He checked his watch. "Shall we head back to Alex's, or give him some more time to clean up the place?"

"Oh, we could go to the toy store!" Brody suggested. "My mom used to take me there to pass the time before we went to see musicals!"

"You'd come all the way from Montana to New York as a kid to see the musicals?" Kurt asked in awe. His dad already felt the trip from Ohio was too far.

Brody smiled. "My mom is a stewardess. She got to take me along for free a lot." He gestured around at the city. "When I was ten, I already decided I wanted to live here someday." He shot them a grin. "And not just because of Broadway. A lot of it had to do with FAO Schwarz and Disney."

"Are you sure you're not gay?" Sebastian grinned. He was holding Kurt's hand with his right and had his left hand placed protectively around Bonnie. "Or Bi?"

"Pretty sure, thanks," Brody said casually. He didn't mind people questioning his sexuality as long as they weren't rude about it. "I know I was an outlier at NYADA."

Kurt smiled. "You know, my brother loved music and singing. I never did understand why people think the arts can't be enjoyed unless you're gay."

"Me neither, look at the Warblers..." Sebastian said smiling. "I was only joking, I know you're not gay."

"I know," Brody said returning his smile.

"Alex asks if we got everything. Apparently Caroline texted him," Kurt said, looking up from his phone. He sent off a quick reply, waited a moment, then laughed. "He says, and I quote, __'If you go to the Disney Store without me I am telling Caroline you kidnapped Bonnie'__." Kurt grinned. "He'll be meeting us there."

They walked down the stairs to the subway that would take them to the Theatre District.

"Why is it, no matter where you go, subways all smell the same?" Sebastian mused. "The Paris Metro is exactly the same."

"I couldn't say," Brody said. "I've never been to Europe."

"Me neither," Kurt said. He looked at Sebastian. "Maybe we'll go one day."

Sebastian looked back at him and nodded, his eyes filled with promises.

They arrived at Times Square, and Kurt took Sebastian's hand. No matter how long he'd lived here, he still got a little thrill being in the place featured in so many of his favourite childhood films and shows.

"Time to find out what kind of Disney princess you are, Bonnie," he said excitedly as they stepped through the large front doors of the Disney store. "I was always very partial to Ariel."

Sebastian grinned. "I liked Belle - major library envy," he said.

"I always liked this guy," Brody said, holding up a t-shirt with Robin Hood.

"That...fits, somehow," Kurt said, cocking his head.

"Alice did always say you were a fox," Sebastian grinned.

"Welcome to the Disney Store, where all your dreams come true," a chipper young woman greeted them with a smile. "How can I help you today?"

"Just looking, thank you," Brody said.

"And fulfilling our inner children," Sebastian said with a grin.

"I'm mostly here for the Wonka bars," Alex said, walking up to them with a shopping basket full of chocolate. He smiled at Bonnie. "Alright, Bonnster?"

"Ba! Bub bub," Bonnie said.

"A-LEX," Alex said clearly.

Brody snorted. "I think it's a bit too early for her to talk."

"Yeah? What do you know, Hannah Montana? Bonnie's a genius! Come on, Bonnie. Say A-LEX."

Bonnie drooled a little. Alex sighed. "We still got a few hours left," he mumbled.

"Maybe we can get Bonnie a little something," Kurt suggested. "A souvenir."

Bonnie was eyeing the colourful displays eagerly, stretching her little hands out to a stuffed little Nemo.

Sebastian walked over to the baby section and held up a tiny Tinkerbell dress, complete with sewn in wings. "How freaking cute is this?"

Kurt squeaked. "I love it!"

Bonnie stretched out her hands towards a bright green Peter Pan hat. Kurt grinned and set it on top of Sebastian's hair. "You're right, Bonnie," he said, "I can definitely see it."

Sebastian smirked and put his hands on his hips, striking a pose. Kurt blushed, feeling a childhood crush quickly returning. He wondered if it was appropriate to offer him a thimble in a children's store.

Brody had walked off only to return with a mouse-eared headband in his hands. He set it on Bonnie's head. "No Disney visit without Minnie, right?" he said.

"Awww…" Kurt let out. "Let's take a selfie." He whipped out his phone and sided up next to Sebastian, pulling Brody and Alex into the frame with them. He only noticed then that Sebastian was still wearing the hat. "Oooh...let's all go find hats first," he suggested.

Sebastian chuckled as Kurt, Alex and Brody hurried off to find their own headgear, and kissed Bonnie's hand as she tried to grab his glasses again. She blinked at him and yawned.

"Are you sleepy, little lady?" he asked, swaying her back and forth.

"Oh, you're so good with her..."

Sebastian looked passed Bonnie's head at the Disney employee who had greeted them when they walked in.

"She's a pretty easy kid," he said shrugging. He didn't care what the others had said; she'd been nothing but an angel all afternoon.

"Most kids are in here," the woman replied, smiling. "Although, occasionally we have to call in a villain to get them in check." She winked. "Let me know if you want her to try anything on, we have a changing station in the back." She kind of looked like she wanted to show Sebastian there personally.

Kurt and Brody returned; Brody had found a cap that said "Make America Magical Again" and Kurt had found himself a Mat Hatter's top hat. Alex was wearing a large feathered Captain Hook hat.

Kurt glanced over his shoulder at the shop assistant. "Was someone making a pass at you again?" he asked, narrowing his eyes a little. "I can't leave you and Bonnie alone for a second, can I?"

Sebastian grinned at Kurt's possessiveness and slid an arm around him. "What can I say babe? I'm just irresistible." He tucked his hand into the back pocket of Kurt's jeans and squeezed lightly.

"It's probably __Bonnie__ ," Kurt teased, sticking out his tongue. "They are reacting on a evolutionary level to the idea of you having created offspring…"

"Or it's because he's hot," Brody commented offhandedly, pretending to browse the selection of toy wands.

Sebastian preened, "I think it's definitely because I'm hot...adding Bonnie is just the icing on the cake."

"Well, they can't have you," Kurt said decisively. "Or Bonnie." He kissed Sebastian's lips to make his point, trapping Bonnie between them. "Mm...kiss-block," he mumbled as she squirmed.

"Hey, hey, careful, you're squishing her!" Alex said. "Come on, let's get her out of there. We can put her in the little ball pit over there."

Sebastian smirked and stepped back. "Selfie first," he said, "we didn't get hats for nothing. Say _ _' Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!'"__

They posed and snapped the picture.

"Alright squirt," Alex said, the Captain Hook hat balanced precariously on his head, as he made to remove Bonnie from the carrier.

Sebastian helped by stabilising the material as Alex lifted her tiny body into his arms. Kurt took another picture of Alex to send Steph. He had a feeling she might like that just as much as he liked seeing Sebastian holding the baby.

His eyes fell on the books section, and went to see if he could get Sebastian a bookmark or a card.

"Did Alice ever say she wants kids?" Brody asked Sebastian conversationally.

Sebastian looked at him and smiled. Alice did want kids, but he didn't want to break that confidence to her boyfriend, particularly if they'd not had that conversation yet.

"Why'd you ask?" he asked conversationally.

Brody shrugged and nodded at Bonnie. "Just wondering. We haven't really talked about it yet. I mean, we're both still too busy with our careers and our own lives - but it'd be nice to know before I put my foot in it and mess up my chances with her, you know? You're my inside intel guy."

"I've known Alice longer than Seb," Alex said importantly.

Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly. "By like, a __day__."

"Hey! That day is important. Ask any twin that was born after midnight."

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. "Do __you__ want kids? Someday?"

Brody looked at Bonnie. She was currently very sweet, but he also vividly remembered the screaming tantrum of earlier- and their bathing action. But then he thought about Alice, and how excited she had been when Steph's sister was pregnant, and realised something inside of him wanted to make her happy like that, too.

"Yeah, I guess," he offered. "In the far, _ _far__ future!"

Sebastian smiled. They really were well matched. "You should talk to her. This is something you need to discuss between yourselves. It's not my place to get in between."

Brody nodded and Sebastian patted him on the shoulder. He spotted Kurt looking through a shelf of merchandise and walked over to him.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked, winding his arms around Kurt from behind.

Kurt smiled, taking Sebastian's arms and hugging them tighter around himself. "Hmm, just browsing," he mumbled, not wanting to spoil the surprise. "Is Bonnie still doing okay?"

"Yeah," Sebastian said kissing Kurt's shoulder. "Alex is playing with her in the ball pit. It's hard to say which of them will throw the worst tantrum when it's time to go home."

Kurt closed his eyes, enjoying Sebastian's attention. Public PDAs, something Blaine would only do with an audience, were finally beginning to feel natural.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning back to kiss the side of his boyfriend's face.

Sebastian closed his eyes and smiled, kissing Kurt's shoulder again. He'd never grow old of hearing Kurt say that.

"And I love you."

"Hey love birds!" Alex called. "A little help here?" They turned around and saw Alex holding Bonnie like she was a bomb about to explode. She had started crying.

"I don't know what I did!" Alex said, a little frustrated. "She was fine a second ago!"

Sebastian sighed and released Kurt, taking Bonnie from Alex's hands. "Don't hold her like that."

"Maybe she finally got hungry," Brody suggested, looking at his watch. "We should get to the check-out."

"Hey Bonnie, shhh," Kurt said, "it's okay. Do you want to go in the carrier with uncle Bas again?"

Bonnie started crying in earnest now.

"Shall we buy you a little Nemo?" Brody offered. "Here." He handed her one if the plush toys. She threw it down on the floor.

"Oy, sailor!" Alex protested, picking it up. "Be nice to the fishies or I'll make Bonnie-kebab out of you!" He brandished a crooked finger at her and gave her a stern look from under his hat.

Bonnie started yelling. Alex went wide-eyed and quickly whipped the Captain's hat off his head. "It was a joke, Bonnie! Honestly!"

"Quick, get her one of the pacifiers we got!" Brody said.

Kurt rummaged in the shopping bags and retrieved it. He read the back of the packaging and frowned. "This says it needs to be sterilised first…" He bit his lip. He didn't want to be responsible for giving her some scary industrial infection.

As Bonnie made no signs of calming down and people were starting to look their way, Kurt took out the small jewellery box from his pocket and rattled it. That got Bonnie's attention. He handed it to her.

Sebastian cradled her against his chest as she calmed down and he settled her back into the carrier.

"Let's just pay and go before she gets bored with this," he said.

"They are all staring at us," Alex mumbled to Brody, looking at the line of disgruntled parents at the check-out.

"Yeah, like their babies never cry," Brody replied, fixing them with a cold look until they averted their eyes.

"Holier-than-thou parents are the __worst,__ " Kurt agreed. "We know what we're doing."

"Uh...we kind of don't," Alex whispered.

"Still, we don't need to affirm their stupid stereotypes about gay couples - or just men in general taking care of babies," Kurt replied. He stepped a little closer to Sebastian and put his arm around him, resting his free hand on Bonnie's back. If everyone was going to assume Bonnie was Sebastian's daughter, they might as well see __two__ loving dads in the picture.

Brody nodded, and put the Nemo toy on the counter, pulling out his wallet. Even if they didn't know what they were doing, they were definitely all in now.

* * *

By the time they got back to Alex and Steph's, Bonnie had fallen asleep, too worn out from crying. They hadn't been able to decide what to buy her, so they compromised and bought the Tinkerbell dress, the Minnie Mouse ears and a couple of plush toys. Kurt had also snuck in a faux moleskin journal for Sebastian. It had Belle's rose emblem embossed into it and he knew Sebastian would love it.

Alex opened the front door quietly and Sebastian carried the sleeping baby through to the living room. Kurt and Brody following along with the shopping.

"We should have called in the gay squad sooner, eh Brody?" Alex said happily as he shut the door.

Brody raised an eyebrow. "I helped too," he muttered. "I picked the food."

"Ah, but I! I have put up the travel crib!" Alex said proudly, pointing towards the couch.

"We shouldn't just put her down?" Sebastian said, half asking. "If she's hungry...shouldn't we feed her?"

"My mom always said to never wake a sleeping baby," Brody said eyeing Bonnie warily.

"You could always wake __me__ for food," Alex mused. "Not sure girls are the same, though."

"I think she'll probably wake up if she's hungry," Kurt said. "Kids are still in tune with their bodily needs."

"I am too!" Alex said. "I always __need__ pizza! Let's order some and then we can finally get our game on!"

"I'll finish setting up the console," Brody offered. With Bonnie asleep, they might get their weekend back on track.

Five minutes later, they were settled in on the couch, Bonnie asleep next to them, and several pizzas on the way.

"To the best babysitters in the world," Alex said happily, holding up his bottle of beer.

"Shh!" Kurt hissed as Bonnie grumbled in her sleep. "Not so loud!"

Alex looked at Bonnie with worried eyes and bit his lip.

"To the best babysitters in the world," he whispered, raising his bottle again.

The others chorused a response and chinked their drinks together.

"Alright," Brody said quietly. "Can we get on with our game now? I am so gonna win this time."

"In your dreams, Weston," Kurt said grinning.


	3. Five Little Ducks

**Authors' Note:** Finally the next chapter! We're sorry it took so long - we promise we didn't forget about this WIP. Writing Glad You Stayed took a lot out of us and it turned out that writing happy, funny, silly fluff was too hard alongside the tough themes of Glad You Stayed. Now that it's done however, we will be picking up this little fic again :)

* * *

"Aww come on man!" Alex said exasperated as Kurt won _another_ round. "Do you like...practice? At home?" Alex burped and reached for another beer.

Kurt made a face at him and took another sip of wine. "I don't even have a console," he objected. "I just have great eye-hand coordination."

"Me too," Alex said, and aimed some popcorn at his mouth. It landed in his hair.

Brody snorted and opened another beer.

"Are you sure you don't want anything, Seb? This is supposed to be our bar crawl..."

Sebastian glanced at the sleeping baby in the travel cot and shook his head.

"Nah, I'm okay. One of us should stay sober in case something happens..." he smiled at Brody. "I don't mind."

Alex burped again and rubbed his chest. "Pizza always gives me heart burn, but it tastes so good..." he said eyeing the half-eaten pizza on the coffee table.

"Don't you dare, that's mine!" Kurt protested.

"You're not even eating it!"

"I am, I am _savouring_ it!"

"It's already cold!"

Their voices got louder and louder, and before they knew it, Bonnie woke up and started crying.

"Great," Alex grumbled. "Another contestant for my pizza."

 _"Mine,"_ Kurt replied. "And Bonnie can't have pizza, she only has two teeth."

Brody put his beer away and walked to the travel crib. "Hey Bonnie, do you want to come and see what uncle Brody picked out for you?"

He bent down to pick her up and she raised her tiny pink fists up in the air. "Someone get something to sit her in...where's her stroller?"

"We don't have it, but Caroline brought her car seat," Alex said, scrambling up. "I got it."

Sebastian hurried into the kitchen while Brody and Alex set Bonnie up in her seat. He rummaged in the bags. "Guys...did you buy _anything_ normal for her to eat?"

"It _is_ normal!" Brody countered.

"You've been dating Alice far too long," Sebastian said, shaking his head. He picked up a jar that read 'pear, spinach and pea' and read the instructions on the back. "Should we heat it?" he called out.

"Mush is mush, I think," Kurt mumbled, "but it might improve the flavour a bit if it's warm."

"So, the microwave, then?" Sebastian said.

"Won't that, like, destroy the vitamins?" Brody asked, looking up from Bonnie, who was trying to chew the seat's straps.

"You've _definitely_ been dating Alice too long," Alex said. "Microwaves are _not_ evil, you know."

"But it might overheat," Kurt countered. "Maybe just do it _au bain-marie."_

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "...in the bath?"

Kurt shook his head. "It's when you put a smaller pan into a larger pan filled with warm water so the contents are heated indirectly." At the look of incomprehension, he got up. "I'll do it. You just...keep her busy."

"Alright," Alex agreed, exchanging a look with Sebastian. He turned to Bonnie. "So...read any good books lately?"

Sebastian looked at Alex with an incredulous look. "Dude, she's 6 months old...I don't even think she knows what a book is yet."

"Well, I don't know what to say!" Alex said a little desperately.

Bonnie's crying kicked up a notch.

"Shhh," Sebastian soothed, tapping his fingers on her belly. "Shall we sing? _Alouette, gentille alouette, alouette, je te plumerai..."_

Bonnie screamed.

"Don't think she speaks French either, dude," Alex said. "Shall I put a cd on?" He looked at Bonnie. "Are you more of a Beyoncé or an AC/DC girl?"

Bonnie ignored him.

Brody was lost in thought. "I think Caroline said something about her favourite song..."

"Single Ladies?" Alex suggested.

At the stove, Kurt lifted his hand in the air and flipped it while he heated the food.

"No, something about _ducks."_

"Ducks?" Sebastian asked deadpan.

"Didn't you say it was your favourite song?" Alex reminded Brody.

"Well, I lied! I didn't want to look like I didn't know what I was doing!" Brody protested. The both of them looked at Sebastian.

"I grew up in _France_...I don't know any American nursery rhymes!"

"Oh! Oh! _Five little ducks!"_ Alex shouted, startling Bonnie into silence. "Yes! Caroline said she had a duck glove puppet, too!" He got up and went to the couch to look for it.

Brody whipped out his phone and looked up the song. As soon as the YouTube video started playing, Bonnie was mesmerised.

"The puppet is broccolified," Alex said as he came back, but Bonnie was already staring at the little moving ducks on Brody's phone.

"I think the food's almost warm," Kurt announced.

* * *

A few minutes later, the four of them were seated around the table with Bonnie's car seat perched on a chair between them, Brody's phone set up in the middle, and a tea towel draped around Bonnie's neck. Kurt sat closest to Bonnie and held out a spoon full of mush.

"Alright, open up, Bonnie," he said.

She didn't react, still bobbing her head to the song.

"Here comes the airplane?" he suggested.

"We tried all of that this morning, you know," Alex mumbled. "Bonnie's mouth is neither a hangar, tank stop, car park, or even a Disabled Only space."

Kurt shook his head. "Mute the phone, please," he said.

Brody did.

 _"Five little ducks-"_ Kurt started, in a very high voice, hoping to direct Bonnie's attention to him. It worked, and she laughed. Quickly, he pushed a spoonful of food in her mouth.

Bonnie smacked her lips and kept most of it in her mouth.

Feeling victorious, Kurt tried another spoon, still singing the song, but Bonnie had already lost interest again, and refused to open.

"Maybe if we take turns?" Brody suggested. "So her dinner theatre doesn't get boring?" He reached for the spoon and started singing the song again.

Bonnie giggled. It sounded different, interesting, and she rewarded him by taking another bite.

"I wanna go next!" Alex said.

Brody rolled his eyes fondly and handed Alex the spoon.

 _"Five little ducks went swimming one day, over the hills and far away,"_ Alex sang in a booming voice. Bonnie grinned and gripped her feet, rocking back and forth slightly as she accepted a mouthful.

Sebastian took the spoon next and continued the song. _"Mamma duck said quack quack quack quack, and four little ducks came back."_

"It's working!" Kurt whispered. As silly as it was, they took turns feeding and singing, making more and more ridiculous voices to amuse Bonnie, and she ended up eating the whole portion. After her meal, she started to look tired.

"Maybe someone should try rocking her to sleep," Kurt suggested quietly. They all immediately looked at Sebastian.

"It worked before, with the carrier?" Brody added.

Sebastian let out a little resigned sigh and smiled at the baby. "Come here munchkin," he said standing up to lift her out of the seat. "Are you sleepy?"

Bonnie fidgeted a little in his arms, trying to get comfy.

"Should we change her?" Sebastian asked.

"I'm not looking in there voluntarily!" Alex said, his voice a little hushed.

Brody rolled his eyes and patted Bonnie down. "It feels dry enough," he concluded.

Sebastian shook his head. "I meant ready for bed...she's still in her princess dress, that can't be comfortable."

"She's bound to wake up again - she'll need milk before we put her down for the night I think? We can change her then," Kurt suggested.

Sebastian looked down at Bonnie who had settled in his arms now. She was fiddling with the neck of his t-shirt.

"Okay." He said swaying her slightly.

Kurt looked at them. He couldn't help it. Bonnie's head was drooping on Sebastian's shoulder, and he had rested his cheek against her downy little curls, softly humming a lullaby.

"Commence party-evening in five...four..." Alex counted down in a whisper, looking very pleased. Once Bonnie was asleep, their evening could really begin.

* * *

When Sebastian walked out of the bedroom five minutes later, Bonnie settled comfortably in her travel crib, it was to find Alex and Brody having a silent argument over who's turn it was to play first.

"Dude, it's my house! I get to go first!" Alex whispered.

"As the host you should let guests go first," Brody countered.

Sebastian sat in the seat next to Kurt and looked at their friends. "Remind me again how these two are older than us?"

"I'm beginning to suspect fake IDs are in play," Kurt joked. "Stop arguing or I'm locking the console away and _no one_ gets a turn!" he said in a stern dad voice.

Brody and Alex looked up, startled. "Parenthood has gotten to his head," Alex mumbled. "I just want to be the fun uncle."

"The fun uncle is only fun until the kid is ten," Sebastian said sagely. "Then he just becomes the creepy guy who hangs around the young girls."

Brody hid a smirk. _"Grey's Anatomy?"_

Sebastian grinned. "Mark Sloane, may he rest in peace."

"Alice made me watch that episode the other day," Brody said rolling his eyes. He'd never admit out loud that he actually rather enjoyed it.

"Well, I don't watch that so I am just going to ignore what you said," Alex huffed. "You're all just jealous because the Bonnster likes _me_ best."

Kurt shook his head. "Are we gonna play, or what?"

Time flew by, and by the time Bonnie woke up for her evening milk, everyone but Sebastian was pretty far into the 'stay-at-home-pubcrawl' spirit. It took Kurt three tries to change Bonnie into a sleeping onesie as he kept mistaking the pant legs for sleeves, and Alex nearly made another bottle of formula explode.

"You guys are so helpless," Brody stated - then fell asleep on the couch.

Resigned to his fate, Sebastian cradled Bonnie in his arm and bottle-fed her to sleep. They had agreed that, since there was only one bedroom and they were the only couple, Kurt and Sebastian would get the double bed and the others would sleep in the living room. For that luxury, they did have to keep Bonnie's crib in the bedroom. That was a fair deal, right?


End file.
